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February 28, 2008

When Your Kids Hit Puberty

Hi Single Dad,

Is puberty right around the corner for you; with your kids? Well hang on because everything you thought about your son or daughter is about to change . . . drastically. Fortunately for you, you'll survive it but a lot of it will be measured by how much time you've spent going over the points in my book Artfully Raising Children.

As you can see, my kids are well past the puberty stage of their lives now. They both attend the local college here in town and all is well.








My son graduated in 2007 and my daughter in 2006. But there was a time when they entered into puberty where I thought I would lose my ever loving mind. Of course girls go through it much differently than boys do. Let's start with the girls first . . .

My daughter hit puberty around 12 years of age. I know because she argued about everything, she had these outbursts over something she hardly ever reacted before to and she was a lot more somber than normal. I mean, she was always stubborn but she started to way overboard it seemed.

I went from being a SUPER-DAD to a STUPID-DAD almost overnight. Can you relate to what I'm saying if you've already gone through it? I mean I wondered where my sweet little princess went to and if she would ever return to me.


Here were some of the patterns you should be looking for and they are:



I have to say these things scared me but I started to see a pattern developing and this is how I handled it and you can too with minimal damage to house and hearth. LOL

You want to approach her and ask her how are things going in her life, you know like at school, her friends, or her homework, like you've always done only this time read her body language and see if there is something that is just slightly different.

For example, if normally when you ask her that question and she reacts gregariously, that is to say really animated like her eyes sparkling and her hands waving around, but this time she is NOT doing that at all, you can figure out that there IS something else going on in her life that is really bugging her.

Now how do you get her to open up to you without her exploding or becoming upset with you and her own reason for being? What you could do is once you ask her the question, read her body language and determine that there is something else that's bothering her, you talk about how things were for you when you were her age.

I would begin by just looking at her things so as not to draw too much attention to her and then tell her how, "when I was your age I would feel a certain way when a girl or boy would . . . " and then move into your story.

Look, the point is even if it is not related to her problem, this will relax her somewhat and move her to become open, if even for a little bit. You can then physically move closer to her and then looking at her and doing the things you used to do when she was a baby like stroking her hair, holding her close and instead of talking, listening to her.

The act of holding her and all shows her that you are still her loving parent and once establishing that, you can then question her again as to what is really bothering her and that you can probably help her solve it, or at least getting her to open up and you telling her that you are there for her, no matter what.

It is those kinds of acts that gives her the space she needs but also giving her the assurance of knowing that you love her no matter what; that you're there for her and that you love her always even though she is growing up. It's that connection to the past yet knowing that she must move forward with her life and still having daddy by her side. This is important now and in how she will view all the men in her life so be there for her, always.

Even if she acts a bit psycho sometimes and you're a guy thinking, "what do I say to her" or "what did I do now". It isn't about you all the time dad even if she makes you feel that way.

So remember to:

All this will always keep you as a Super Dad in her eyes.

Next letter we'll cover how boys go through puberty and the differences between the sexes.
Hang in there single dad; you're doing fine!

To learn more visit the Super Single Dad Website and get the primer on how to raise a child artfully.



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