July 26, 2006
Man Would I Like to Be on the Big O's Show
Hey everyone and all single dads reading this post.
I commend all dads that didn't take "I'm leaving you" from your ex wife to be interpreted as "And I control how the kids are raised and you can only see them. . ." Well, you get my drift.
You fought for full time custody and you were awarded that privilege by the judge. Just because you're a male doesn't mean you can't be the nurturing parent. I tell you what, your kids sure know the difference and they don't care whether it's mommy or daddy, as long as they are being nurtured.
My daughter is a legal young adult now and my son will be next year, but I remember when they were very little how we would go to the park together.
Oh, let me preface this with saying that I gave up my "musical career" as a traveling musician and there were times that I had to go on welfare because where I lived at the time, jobs were scarce. I have to admit to you how much that ate at me and it finally caused a breakdown, but that's another story.
My point there is that you sacrifice to be with your kids and you do whatever it takes to nurture and be with them, especially if their mother abandoned them either by choice or by death. Anyway, I digress . . .
We would go to the park and I remember how much joy and pleasure I would experience watching them go up the ladder and slide down, and how proud they felt in doing so.
"Look at me Dada" and then the other would chime in, "Look at me too!" They felt so proud of themselves and radiated all that positive feelings, even when I wasn't feeling so positive with where my life was leading me at the time.
Their smiles, laughter and joy would promptly take me out of any funk I might have felt at the time, if indeed I was feeling down and funky. Of course that has a different connotation today.
We would stop at the market on the way back and pick up food for dinner but I always watched the Oprah Winfrey show. Truth be known I used to watch Oprah way back when she was basically doing a Donahue type show. Running up and down the aisles and all that.
So I would lay my kids down so they could take a nap and I would go and watch the Oprah Winfrey Show. I figured that maybe I could learn something about raising a child or child diseases or something related to children.
Well sometimes there might have been something about a medical condition children were experiencing, but never anything about how to raise a child today so they grow up with the three R's ingrained in their little souls, and they are
RESPECT, RELIABILITY AND RESPONSIBILITY
This is something I propose to do. I would love to be on the Oprah Winfrey Show as a guest and teach the principles on how to raise a child today; from a father's point of view. A father who raised his children by himself gathering and learning what it really takes to be a parent.
The fact is that we do everything different than women, but we have the same loving and nurturing components that women do and with some guidance, we become very skilled at it.
The bottom line is to make sure that the children are as fulfilled as they can possibly be in order for them to grow up as respectful, responsible and reliable grown-ups.
Why Oprah? Because she has an immense audience and the truth be known there are many males who secretly watch Oprah, like I do, or er, did . . .ahem . . .
Write to Oprah and let her know you want the "Super Single Dad" on there so she can grill him and ask him the pertinent questions on raising a child, and how he went about raising his children, artfully.
I commend all dads that didn't take "I'm leaving you" from your ex wife to be interpreted as "And I control how the kids are raised and you can only see them. . ." Well, you get my drift.
You fought for full time custody and you were awarded that privilege by the judge. Just because you're a male doesn't mean you can't be the nurturing parent. I tell you what, your kids sure know the difference and they don't care whether it's mommy or daddy, as long as they are being nurtured.
My daughter is a legal young adult now and my son will be next year, but I remember when they were very little how we would go to the park together.
Oh, let me preface this with saying that I gave up my "musical career" as a traveling musician and there were times that I had to go on welfare because where I lived at the time, jobs were scarce. I have to admit to you how much that ate at me and it finally caused a breakdown, but that's another story.
My point there is that you sacrifice to be with your kids and you do whatever it takes to nurture and be with them, especially if their mother abandoned them either by choice or by death. Anyway, I digress . . .
We would go to the park and I remember how much joy and pleasure I would experience watching them go up the ladder and slide down, and how proud they felt in doing so.
"Look at me Dada" and then the other would chime in, "Look at me too!" They felt so proud of themselves and radiated all that positive feelings, even when I wasn't feeling so positive with where my life was leading me at the time.
Their smiles, laughter and joy would promptly take me out of any funk I might have felt at the time, if indeed I was feeling down and funky. Of course that has a different connotation today.
We would stop at the market on the way back and pick up food for dinner but I always watched the Oprah Winfrey show. Truth be known I used to watch Oprah way back when she was basically doing a Donahue type show. Running up and down the aisles and all that.
So I would lay my kids down so they could take a nap and I would go and watch the Oprah Winfrey Show. I figured that maybe I could learn something about raising a child or child diseases or something related to children.
Well sometimes there might have been something about a medical condition children were experiencing, but never anything about how to raise a child today so they grow up with the three R's ingrained in their little souls, and they are
RESPECT, RELIABILITY AND RESPONSIBILITY
This is something I propose to do. I would love to be on the Oprah Winfrey Show as a guest and teach the principles on how to raise a child today; from a father's point of view. A father who raised his children by himself gathering and learning what it really takes to be a parent.
The fact is that we do everything different than women, but we have the same loving and nurturing components that women do and with some guidance, we become very skilled at it.
The bottom line is to make sure that the children are as fulfilled as they can possibly be in order for them to grow up as respectful, responsible and reliable grown-ups.
Why Oprah? Because she has an immense audience and the truth be known there are many males who secretly watch Oprah, like I do, or er, did . . .ahem . . .
Write to Oprah and let her know you want the "Super Single Dad" on there so she can grill him and ask him the pertinent questions on raising a child, and how he went about raising his children, artfully.
See you on the next post.
Peace.
July 19, 2006
I Love Raising My Children by Myself
Yes, you heard me right. And I'll tell you why but let me preface this with what I am getting from single dads and would be single dads.
I recently spoke to a friend who is going through a nasty divorce. I define nasty when one or both parties are fighting over the kids and not taking into consideration that they belong to both. I also define nasty when the mother uses the children as pawns for power so she can get her way, even if deep down she doesn't want all the responsibility anyway. Usually she does it for... yep, you guessed it, MONEY. Sad, but true.
Anyway, my friend told me how he had just visited his children that he hadn't seen in four weeks because of the bullshit his soon to be ex wife is putting him through and the kids especially.
Now he isn't some kind of criminal. In fact he is a criminal lawyer in good standing and a good father. The fact is that she is wielding the children to get back at him and that's never the right way to treat your children.
I consider myself blessed because my childrens mother bowed out of their lives completely. She never really wanted to have children but again, because society and friends dictated, she began believing that because she was female that she was the one to raise the children.
After I was awarded full charge of my children she went back to her life and a few years later, severed all ties to the kids; no letters, no cards, no calls, no nothing. Now before you all say how sad and how hard that is on the kids, realize something and you veteran single dads know of what I speak.
When you have to split your children up, by that I mean visitation, more than likely you are going to have different rules, habits, schools excetera and what you end up with are children totally confused. And if you think the arguments cease, well you have another thing coming.
It is rare that divorced parents can see eye to eye, but I'm sure it does happen; just not in my experience. Even in the most amicable of situations the mom isn't going to be able to handle the situation and the teen-aged daughter is going to tell to f . . . well, you know.
Then she say things like, "Wait till I tell your father" which only makes it worse for dad. And usually when your kids come back to you place you have to straighten all the attitudes only for it to start again next week.
What I am trying to say is that by my kid's mother bowing out completely, it set the stage for peace and harmony in our household. There were no double lives for them. They had one set of rules and one place to be. They grew up together and never did I have to go through the, "I don't want to go this week dad" thing; ever.
They didn't go through that back and forth crap that almost all kids have to go through. And over time as they grew up the memory of discord when she was around faded away from their memories.
Yes, there was much repairing on my part as well as for them, and I cannot go into all that here, (in my next book) but in the end, my children survived what for most children today don't. That is the terrible scars that are left when they have to go through the separation every week from the nurturing parent.
Yes, I am glad that I raised my children by myself. Oh yeah, I didn't get the weekly or bi-weekly breaks that other parents get. I didn't get the support maybe some other parents get, but my children and I had peace of life and that's makes it all worth it now.
Thanks for reading and until next time, stay frosty single dads and all will work out well.To find out more about raising your children artfully invest in your copy of:
THE SUPER SINGLE DAD; ARTFULLY RAISING CHILDREN. You get the ebook with insightful tips and techniques, not to mention all the bonuses you receive as well as a free consultation with me.
July 06, 2006
Do I have to stay in the lines?
Hello and welcome to my new posting.
A weird title but it holds true. . . sort of. Let me explain myself then.
Having children and artfully raising them is about as great a job as any man can have. You are molding your little one into a person with the three R's ingrained; reliable, responsible and respectful.
This is where being a "SUPER DAD" comes into play. You see, when your child is born, she/he comes out with genetic programming, the sum of who you and their mother are. Even if the gene pool is pedigreed, what is not apparent today will become reality tomorrow. Don't think that your child is who he/she is because of pedigree. That has nothing to do with it.
It is their personality that you encourage and nurture so that she is a happy and healthy human being. By knowing her patterns though you can encourage more positive behaviors.
I remember when my son was very young, he would become frustrated at not being able to draw anything other than stick figures. I would remind him however, that he could because I had drawings he had made in pre-school and kindergarten. His figures were more than just stick figures and in fact they were more Picasso like, but by showing and reminding him of his past drawings, he could see that it was possible for him.
So we would sit together and draw free hand on a blank piece of paper. By having blank paper he was free to draw anything from his imagination instead of something that he would have to compare to like staying in the lines or that had any references to figures, people or animals.
Doing this gave him more confidence because he could draw what he wanted, giving him a special pride in himself too. He did feel like an accomplished Picasso.
These are the little things that are part of raising your child artfully that we overlook or don't pay enough attention to. These are the small things that instills confidence, pride in their work and pride in themselves putting them onto the path of the three R's; reliable, responsible and respectful.
Sometimes having color books and pictures where they need to be more advanced are not conducive to a healthy self image. Some need different avenues to exploit their talents and giving them the choice helps them with their self confidence and image. It will always be that way too, so be observant of your child.
Not every child is cut out to be a college student, or a senator or president. Some are content being an auto mechanic, owner of a small business, or even a writer. It is up to you to pay attention to the little details of your child's life, putting them on the path to their life of positive prosperity.
Knowing those little things are what makes you a Super Single Dad" and your children will love you for it; always.
Pick up your copy of "The Super Single Dad; Artfully Raising Children" at:
http://www.supersingledads.com
To your success as a single dad, always.
A weird title but it holds true. . . sort of. Let me explain myself then.
Having children and artfully raising them is about as great a job as any man can have. You are molding your little one into a person with the three R's ingrained; reliable, responsible and respectful.
This is where being a "SUPER DAD" comes into play. You see, when your child is born, she/he comes out with genetic programming, the sum of who you and their mother are. Even if the gene pool is pedigreed, what is not apparent today will become reality tomorrow. Don't think that your child is who he/she is because of pedigree. That has nothing to do with it.
It is their personality that you encourage and nurture so that she is a happy and healthy human being. By knowing her patterns though you can encourage more positive behaviors.
I remember when my son was very young, he would become frustrated at not being able to draw anything other than stick figures. I would remind him however, that he could because I had drawings he had made in pre-school and kindergarten. His figures were more than just stick figures and in fact they were more Picasso like, but by showing and reminding him of his past drawings, he could see that it was possible for him.
So we would sit together and draw free hand on a blank piece of paper. By having blank paper he was free to draw anything from his imagination instead of something that he would have to compare to like staying in the lines or that had any references to figures, people or animals.
Doing this gave him more confidence because he could draw what he wanted, giving him a special pride in himself too. He did feel like an accomplished Picasso.
These are the little things that are part of raising your child artfully that we overlook or don't pay enough attention to. These are the small things that instills confidence, pride in their work and pride in themselves putting them onto the path of the three R's; reliable, responsible and respectful.
Sometimes having color books and pictures where they need to be more advanced are not conducive to a healthy self image. Some need different avenues to exploit their talents and giving them the choice helps them with their self confidence and image. It will always be that way too, so be observant of your child.
Not every child is cut out to be a college student, or a senator or president. Some are content being an auto mechanic, owner of a small business, or even a writer. It is up to you to pay attention to the little details of your child's life, putting them on the path to their life of positive prosperity.
Knowing those little things are what makes you a Super Single Dad" and your children will love you for it; always.
Pick up your copy of "The Super Single Dad; Artfully Raising Children" at:
http://www.supersingledads.com
To your success as a single dad, always.
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