Yes, you heard me right. And I'll tell you why but let me preface this with what I am getting from single dads and would be single dads.

I recently spoke to a friend who is going through a nasty divorce. I define nasty when one or both parties are fighting over the kids and not taking into consideration that they belong to both. I also define nasty when the mother uses the children as pawns for power so she can get her way, even if deep down she doesn't want all the responsibility anyway. Usually she does it for... yep, you guessed it, MONEY. Sad, but true.

Anyway, my friend told me how he had just visited his children that he hadn't seen in four weeks because of the bullshit his soon to be ex wife is putting him through and the kids especially.

Now he isn't some kind of criminal. In fact he is a criminal lawyer in good standing and a good father. The fact is that she is wielding the children to get back at him and that's never the right way to treat your children.

I consider myself blessed because my childrens mother bowed out of their lives completely. She never really wanted to have children but again, because society and friends dictated, she began believing that because she was female that she was the one to raise the children.

After I was awarded full charge of my children she went back to her life and a few years later, severed all ties to the kids; no letters, no cards, no calls, no nothing. Now before you all say how sad and how hard that is on the kids, realize something and you veteran single dads know of what I speak.

When you have to split your children up, by that I mean visitation, more than likely you are going to have different rules, habits, schools excetera and what you end up with are children totally confused. And if you think the arguments cease, well you have another thing coming.

It is rare that divorced parents can see eye to eye, but I'm sure it does happen; just not in my experience. Even in the most amicable of situations the mom isn't going to be able to handle the situation and the teen-aged daughter is going to tell to f . . . well, you know.

Then she say things like, "Wait till I tell your father" which only makes it worse for dad. And usually when your kids come back to you place you have to straighten all the attitudes only for it to start again next week.

What I am trying to say is that by my kid's mother bowing out completely, it set the stage for peace and harmony in our household. There were no double lives for them. They had one set of rules and one place to be. They grew up together and never did I have to go through the, "I don't want to go this week dad" thing; ever.

They didn't go through that back and forth crap that almost all kids have to go through. And over time as they grew up the memory of discord when she was around faded away from their memories.

Yes, there was much repairing on my part as well as for them, and I cannot go into all that here, (in my next book) but in the end, my children survived what for most children today don't. That is the terrible scars that are left when they have to go through the separation every week from the nurturing parent.

Yes, I am glad that I raised my children by myself. Oh yeah, I didn't get the weekly or bi-weekly breaks that other parents get. I didn't get the support maybe some other parents get, but my children and I had peace of life and that's makes it all worth it now.

Thanks for reading and until next time, stay frosty single dads and all will work out well.

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